im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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