I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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