Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
