Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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