your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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