im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
