i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
