so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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