you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
