His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
