What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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