I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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