dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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