All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize