I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
