I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
