I am spending my child support on dildos
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
