How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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