Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize