Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize