why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She bit a glass in half.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
