I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i think i just lost a toe
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
