If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
