arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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