Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
These tits shall not be calmed
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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