we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
organizing the empties. That sober.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
