I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
