how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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