i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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