Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
