Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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