She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
