Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
