I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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