we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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