i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
