I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
