I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like heaven, but drunker
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
