Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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