Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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