you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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