I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
