she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
