Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
