I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
