when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
