:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
