I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
