By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
