Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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