i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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