He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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