you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
