I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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