I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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