You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
