At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
