just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
