Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
