Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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