The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
