Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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