It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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