Got a toothbrush?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
